


Kiss and Tell

by Hanahaiku



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bickering, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Bisexual Sirius Black, Fluff and Humor, Idiots in Love, Lots of kissing, M/M, Marauders' Era, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-03-02 03:13:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13309251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hanahaiku/pseuds/Hanahaiku
Summary: Sirius Black, never misses a party, but when illness strikes the day of, his friends insist he "won't miss out on anything", "it'll be pretty low-key." Only to wake up to the most shocking news he's ever heard in his life and he is certainly not (as Remus says) just being dramatic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a standalone piece but it's also kind of a continuation off of my other Marauders piece, but we'll see if I get it together enough to just write an actual multi-chapter fix or what.

Sirius Black is officially never getting sick again. It’s confirmed, signed, and approved. He can not afford to let illness take him out again especially not after what apparently went down at the party to celebrate Gryffindor‘s recent quidditch victory to Hufflepuff.

“You’ve been to loads of these parties it’s just more of the usual,” James had said.

“Yeah and you look positively green, Black,” Peter said, “er, just Green.”

James turned to stare at him eyebrow raised.

“He doesn’t look green-black. Just green. But his name is bla-“

“Yes, yes, we all understand you do not have to explain further,” Remus said having just entered their dorm.

“Moony! You have to tell them they need to let me go to the party! I can’t possibly miss it, how will anyone have any fun without me!” Sirius lamented to Remus.

Remus for his part just snorted. He didn’t even bother looking at him as he put his bag on his bed and then sat on the spread to take off his shoes.

“I’m sure we’ll manage,” he said when he had successfully removes his trainers.

Sirius gasped clutching a hand to his chest before falling back onto the pillows.

“Even Moony‘s against me! In my time of need,” he whined to James who had been sitting on his bed examining his medical state, to determine if it is party survivable.

Remus rolled his eyes but got up to stand next to James and look down at Sirius.

“Peters right Pads, you look terrible,” Remus said brow furrowed in concern.

Sirius jaw dropped. Peter had bursts into giggles.

“Oh, Remus, was that necessary. He probably feels horrible! I mean just look at him,” James said.

Remus nodded at James as if to say ‘you’re right you must be in pain if you look that hideous.’ Sirius cold not believe his ears.

“Guys, I’m right here,” he said.

“Pads, it’s not all bad, I did get you something,” Remus had said before reaching into his pocket and present a full crisp milk chocolate toffee bar.

“Great now I’ll be hideous and fat,” Sirius said.

Remus rolled his eyes,”Watch it Black, nothing heals like chocolate.”

He set the bar on the bedside table before leaning down over Sirius putting a hand on his fever hot cheek. Sirius for his part just pouted which made Remus laugh.

“Merlin you really are a piece of work when ill,” he said.

Peter let out a cough that sounded suspiciously like “and all the time.”

Sirius sunk further into his pillows.

“I think that’s an official no-party vote, mate,” James said.

“Maybe the fresh air will give me my strength back,” Sirius argued.

“Yeah the fresh party air,” Peter said.

Remus laughed, his hand still on Sirius face. He looked at him a moment before planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Well I’m apparently not that gross,” Sirius said, pleased.

“Aren’t you afraid of getting sick?” Peter said.

“It’s only a matter of time before I get it,” Remus said.

“Remus, no, if you get it I’ll get it! Merlin we can’t let this cycle continue like this,” James said.

“I’ll make sure you all get it!” Sirius threatened, “that’s what you get for going to a party while I suffer alone.”

“Oh come off it. You need rest and besides It won’t even be that exciting. Nothing ever happens at these things,” Remus had assured him.

Remus had gotten up and changed and they had left for the party and Sirius had fallen asleep at 10pm like an old woman (or a reasonable person he could hear James saying) then morning had come and now look where they were.

••••••••• 

Sirius had awoken to a cup of tea from Remus. He stared at it a moment before accepting it and allowing the other boy to sit on his bedspread.

“You look much better this morning,” Remus says.

Sirius raises an eyebrow and putting his cup in his lap, “uh thanks.”

Remus nodded and Sirius noticed his leg seemed to be bouncing quite a lot.

“Have I told you recently, how much I enjoy your company?” Remus aks.

Sirius snorts, “I don’t think you’ve ever told me that.”

Remus shoots him a glare, “Yeah, well I do.”

Sirius laughs but Remus doesn’t even crack a smile, instead glances off and brings a nail to his mouth to chew on. Sirius puts his cup down and grabs Remus non occupied hand.

“Moony. Are you okay? What’s going on?” Sirius asks.

“It’s nothing really,” he says.

Sirius doesn’t says anything, just keeps his gaze on Remus, waiting.

“Okay it’s not nothing, it just wasn’t a big deal, just last night I’d had a few shots,” Remus says, finally meeting his eyes.

“Yeah, Moony it was a party of course you did,” Sirius says.

Remus glances around, “And there was a game of truth or dare.”

“Merlin, Moony stop fidgeting you’re making me nervous, what? Where you dared to kiss someone?” Sirius says.

Remus looks utterly wounded.

“You were weren’t you?” Sirius states, “Wow, well cheers.”

“You’re not upset?” Remus asks.

“Why would I be upset? Lupin, it was a bloody game,” Sirius says.

Remus looks like a weight has been lifted.

“You were really worried weren’t you? Aww you got up to make me tea while fighting a hangover. I can really feel just how much you enjoy my company, Moony,” Sirius teases.

“Sod off,” Remus says but he’s smiling into his own cup of tea.

They drink in silence for a moment.

“Who was it anyway? The bird you kissed I mean,” he paused before tacking on “It wasn’t McKinnon was it?” In hindsight he said that maybe a dash to enthusiastically, but maybe Remus won’t notice.

“You wish it was Marlene, you perv,” Remus, who definitely noticed, responds.

“What! You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it,” Sirius states.

Remus purses his lips before shaking his head, “I’m getting off topic.”

Sirius wishes he would stay off topic.

“It was really stupid, I don’t even really remember how it came up, and it wasn’t weird or anything but I felt so guilty afterwards, like your here sick and I’m off snogging or whatever,” Remus said all rather quickly.

“Well when you put it like that, Moony, maybe you owe me more than tea,” Sirius says wiggling his brow, “This might even qualify hot chocolate, I mean I am sick, and after all we both know nothing heals like chocolate.”

Remus grins, “Shove off Pads, Do you even want to hear about it or no?”

“Yes, sir,” Sirius says saluting him.

Remus rolls his eyes, before continue in a tone a dash more somber, “I just wanted you to hear it from me, before anyone else.”

“Moony, I find it hard to believe anyone cares about who you snogged in a game,” sirius says.

“It was hardly a proper snog,” Remus counters, oddly defensive.

Sirius adjusts his pillows, sitting up, “What? Don’t tell me you kissed…” he drifts off before leaning in and whispering, “Minerva McGonagall.”  
Remus groans, “Ugh, Sirius don’t say her full name like that, especially not in a whisper, Salazar.”

Sirius falls into his pillows laughing, he supposes it can’t be that bad, Remus has excellent judgement.

“No, but genuinely, who was it?” He asks.

Remus shrugs, hand on the back of his neck, “It was James.”

Sirius laughs, “Good one Moony, but actually who was it.”

Remus purses his lips, “No, I just said it, it was James.”

Sirius stares at him eyes squinted, “No, I heard that, but I mean the person you kissed.”

Remus stares at him, “Sirius, It was James. I kissed James at the party, it wasn’t a bird, it wasn’t Marlene, and it doesn’t mean anything.”

The moment stretches on before anyone says anything. Sirius doesn’t move a muscle. Remus looks increasingly uncomfortable but he doesn’t dare add anything, he’s waiting, for whatever happens next. That’s when Sirius throws the blankets over, swings his legs and stands up, making the short walk to James’s bed before jumping onto the spread and saying “Potter, Get up” as James blinks himself into awareness.

“Sirius? What time is it?” James says, turning to get his glasses but Sirius grabs his arm.

“Mate, What is this about?” James says, rubbing his hand through his absolutely wild bedhead.

“James,” Sirius says.

“Yes, yes, Sirius I’m right bloody here, now what is it?” James says, squinting up at Sirius.

“Well, Moony told me some crazy thing about you guys kissing, last night, hilarious right?” Sirius says.

“Uh, not really?” James says.

Sirius breathes a sigh of relief, “You know I didn’t really think so either? It’s a weird joke to tell someone first thing in the morning, but i guess not all pranks can be winners.”

“What?” James says before shaking his head, “Sirius, I don’t even know what you’re talking about that’s not a joke.”

  
“That’s what I’m saying it’s not a very good joke.”

James sits up and glances over at Remus still perched on Sirius’s bed watching the whole interaction in abject horror.

“Sirius?” James says.

“Mmmm,” Sirius replies.

“Me and Moony,” he starts motioning with his hands between himself and Remus, “Were at a party last night, right?”

Sirius nods.

James continues cautiously “And at that party, we were in a game of truth and dare-”

Sirius stands up suddenly, pushing himself away from the bed and James breaks off. Looking from James to Remus and shaking his head. Before sinking into a squat and laughing, borderline hysterically. James shoots a concerned look to Remus who shrugs in response. James sighs and grabs his glasses before moving to stand above Sirius.

“Uh, mate?” James says, “You alright? It was just part of the game.”

James looks back at Remus who is oh so helpfully blank. He sinks down to sit next to Sirius.

“I’m just trying to work out how my boyfriend managed to kiss you before I did. If I knew you were into blokes, why was I not the go to! We live together year round! He’s just the work wife!” Sirius says to him.

“And there he is,” James says clapping Sirius twice on the shoulder.

“Boyfriend?” Remus says, “I wasn’t aware I was under such a label.”

James looks uncomfortably between the two trying to decide between his wish to encourage healthy communication and his discomfort of that communication occurring while he is in the room.

“It was more of an unspoken thing,” Sirius says looking up to where Remus is sitting still on his bed, “I just thought you’re more of a secretive person.”

“I don’t think this is quite comparable to being a werewolf,” Remus says.

Sirius gets up and then offers a hand to James before dragging him to his bed and sitting him next to Remus who straightens up. Sirius stands back staring at them, hand on chin, lips pursed.

“How long was it would you say?” He asks after a moment.

Remus looks utterly affronted while James mouth falls open.

“Excuse me?” James squeaks.

“I assume there was tongue, based on my past experiences with Moony,” Sirius says pacing the length of bed in front of the two, his arms crossed.

”Is this really necessary?” Remus’s says the same times James says, “There was a little tongue.”

Remus wacks him in the shoulder. Sirius strokes his chin, nodding.

“Was there any groping going on? Like where were the hands at so to speak?” He asks.

“Sirius, I’m not going to sit here and answer all these ridiculous questions,” Remus says reaching for his mug off of Sirius’s bedside table

Sirius turns to face them, “You reckon you can act it out again then? Just really quick for me.”

James make a loud noise in the back of his throat and starts coughing. Remus on the other hand drops his coffee cup letting it clatter on the floor, before hitting James back several times before the other boy sits up again red faced but breathing.

“Merlin, Black, you’re lucky that was a plastic cup. Are you trying to kill James?” Remus says.

“You could have given him mouth to mouth,” Sirius offers.

Remus shoots him a glare. A loud yawn echoes from the other end of the room as Peter sits up. All three heads turn to face him.

“Merlin, what’s all the ruckus? What time is it?” Peter says.

“It’s 7:34 and apparently last night Potter and Lupin got real well acquainted with each others mouths, and they won’t re-enact it for me,” Sirius says pacing again, “apparently.”

“Why not?” Peter says looking at Sirius blankly.

“I have no idea!” Sirius says then turns to face Remus and James, “Am I not your closest most dearest friend?”

Remus shifts in his seat, brow furrowed.

“It’s not even a big deal, Just do it again, it’s not like it’s the first time it’s happened,” Peter says casually.

Remus physically cringes as Peter rubs his eyes sleepily.

Sirius stops his pacing to swivel around “Did I just hear what I think I did?” He says pointing a finger at Remus who remains passive.

“I’m not a mind reader Sirius, I don’t know what you heard,” Remus says, all deflection.

Sirius zeroes in on James who has turned at least 8 shades paler.

“Potter, you better tell me right now, what Wormtail means by it’s not the first time,” Sirius says.

James mouth opens but nothing comes out.

“Sirius, leave him alone. It’s nothing,” Remus says standing up to him and grabbing his face, forcing him to look at him instead of James.

“It doesn’t sound like nothing,” Sirius presses.

“Well It was a peck one other time, it barely counts,” Remus says.

“Are you two for real right now?” Sirius says looking over Remus’s shoulder at James.

“It’s not like a regular thing, just once and then again last night,” Remus says.

“It’s not just once if it happened again, Merlin, how long ago was this,” Sirius asks.

Remus looks at the ground, “It was back in fourth year, I can barely remember it.”

James makes a small offended coughing sound. While Sirius’s jaw drops.

“You mean to tell me that you two have been holding onto this for 2 years? And neither of you thought to tell me?” Sirius says, utterly baffled.

“It never occurred to me as something to share with you,” Remus responds.

“Moony, I thought I was your first kiss!” Sirius whines, “and now I find out you and James, James who again I live with year round, James who I thought I had no secrets from, James who is practically my brother- have kissed! Kissed and then sat on that kiss for two bloody years and then kissed again.”

“You’re being dramatic,” Remus says.

“I’m being dramatic? My entire world is falling apart!” Sirius says throwing his arms around.

Remus rolls his eyes and sits back on the bed besides James.

“What are you just waiting for me to turn my back so apparently you can snog behind it? And then not tell me,” Sirius says.

Remus eyes betray more hurt than he will allow to show as he clenches his jaw and bites his tongue.

“Sirius, don’t be upset with Moony, this is my fault,” James says.

“If anyone’s fault it’s probably your own,” Remus says looking accusingly at Sirius.

“How on earth is this my fault?” Sirius says.

Remus purses his lips but says nothing.

“When was it exactly? In fourth year?” Sirius asks in a voice much quieter than his previous tone.

“Right after the Great Squid Incident,” James tells him.

“Before or after when Wormtail fainted?” Sirius asks.

Peter makes a noise like he might argue but Remus sends him a chilling look. Sirius had nearly forgotten he was there since his revealing of classified information.

“After. It was that night during the party, right before we had to start serving detention,” James answers.

“Yes, three months of cleaning cauldrons, cruel and unusual but worth the glory,” Sirius says.

“Well then you must remember what you had done that night,” Remus says voice sharp.

It’s not a tone Sirius appreciates, but he’s not about to let Remus know he doesn’t have a single goddamn clue what happened on the night in question. He turns right as Peter makes an attempt for the door.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Sirius says.

“S-Study group?” Peter stammers.

“Oh really? Because apparently everyone I know is meeting up when I’m not around and just going at it! Are you sure you’re not meeting up with I dunno Kingsley and snogging him? Huh? Are you?”

“No,” Peter lets out, equal parts terrified and confused.

“You knew about this all these years and didn’t even attempt to tell me” Sirius asks.

Peter titters inching towards the door because of course he bloody would still try to flee, the coward.

“Sirius, that’s not fair. Your being a child,” Remus says far beyond annoyed at this point, arms firmly crossed.

 “I’m being a child! I’m not the one kissing people left and right!” Sirius turns to face him.

Remus raises an eyebrow and okay well in hindsight Sirius can see the irony in that.

“I have never asked you about any of it, Sirius, not when I hear the whispers, not when I see you sneak off at a party with some girl, not when you sneak into my bed at 3am smelling like smoke and perfume,” Remus’s voice is shaking with everything held back, everything Sirius hadn’t realized he was holding back.

Somewhere behind him Peter makes a break for it. Sirius doesn’t even bother to turn, not taking his eyes off of Remus, until he hears the smallest of their roommates hit the floor. He turns to Peter on the ground next to one of Remus’s shoes, and then back to Remus and then finally to James who has Remus’s other shoe in his hand.

“Sorry, Wormtail,” James lets out, “I just, I can’t go through the day with this hanging over us.”

“Us!” Peter blathers sitting up, “I didn’t kiss anyone! All I’ve done is get yelled at in my own room and then hit with a shoe!”

“This isn’t just about me and Remus’s kiss,” James states.

“It’s not?” Peter squeaks out.

“Of course not!” James says matter of factly, “it’s about us, keeping secrets from each other! Guys, it’s not healthy.”

James is met with three pairs of confused eyes.

“Hear me out, I have a solution,” he presses, “We don’t even have to go through this again.”

No one says anything for a long moment.

“I’m up for anything that takes me closer to a life where I don’t have to worry about flying shoes before 8 in the morning,” Peter says finally.

“Brilliant!” James gets out, before turning to Remus.

Remus raises an eyebrow but nods once.

“Sirius?” James asks expectant.

Sirius sighs, and looks at the ground, still shaky from Remus’s confession, “I’m all for the truth.”

Remus clicks his tongue but doesn’t say anything, James eyes him cautiously.

“Okay, gents, hear me out. Sirius, you’re upset because you didn’t know about me and Remus. Remus, your upset because Sirius can’t stay away from anyone with shiny hair who smiles in his general direction,” James says, “but it doesn’t need to be an issue any longer because today we will, by ourselves make a list and then tonight we meet here and we read them.”

James finishes looking rather smug as everyone else looks at him blankly.

“A list? A list of what, Prongs?” Peter asks.

“Oh I thought I left a bit out. It’s a list of everyone we’ve ever kissed,” James says as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Absolutely not,” Remus says the same time Sirius says “Are you kidding?” And Peter lets out a soft, “short list.”

“Potter, How does this help anything,” Remus starts.

“Moony, this is the only solution. No more misunderstandings, no more drama. All honesty, everyone will know everything,” James argues.

Remus looks contemplative, “but what will Sirius do when he realizes he can’t quite recall names? Will he just have to rely on numbers or vivid one adjective descriptions?”

Sirius doesn’t bother to reply to that just turns to James and says, “I’ll do it if he does it. After all none of us have anything else to hide? Right, Moony?”

Sirius smiles at Remus who flips him the bird in response. If James notices the interaction he doesn’t let it show at all, much less slow him down.

“Wonderful,” James says turning to Remus, “Moony.”

“I’m certainly not going to be the one holding us back, Potter,” he says sharply.

“Well, cheers!” James says,”Let’s say 5? Before dinner.”

Sirius moves past James to grab his bag and then turns to the direction of the door. Remus sighs.

“We don’t have Charms until 9, Sirius and you’re still sick, sit down.” Remus says as he walks by him.

“Well maybe I need a head start on my list, I might just run out of adjectives,” Sirius counters.

With that he pushes past Peter on the floor and out the door to find somewhere to start his list as soon as possible, because as much as it kills him to admit Remus was right, he may have some trouble recalling names.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I finally did it! A multi chapter fic, and it feels alright! Hope you guys enjoy Lily Evans.

Sirius does not make it to charms, and its sadly not just to piss off Remus. Sirius has found himself taking over the entirety of the chalkboard in the front of the old potions room he had gone to this morning, filled with unfocused rage, and vague recollections of ending up in broom cupboards at parties. That had been several hours ago and he still did not have a cohesive list.

It’s not that there were so many people like everyone thought. It’s just the order of things was a bit daunting. The wish to get everything just right had resulted in a very sloppy timeline of his time spent at Hogwarts. Years divided up, pranks standing out as big events and hookups scattered throughout. Sirius had been staring at it for twenty minutes and still could not determine which parts were right or wrong.

“Black?”

He turned, apparently he had been to engrossed to hear the door open. Sirius doesn't know why he bothered turning already knowing who it is.

Remus steps into the room, “Well this looks like the ravings of a mad man if I’d ever seen one.”

“Don’t you have transfigurations?” Sirius scowls.

“I got a pass to study outside,” Remus says, sticking out his tongue, and walking forward to look at the timeline.

“You can do that?” Sirius asks.

“You know it is so unfair that you just so happen to be naturally gifted at magic while literally not following any of the actual rules this school has,” Remus says, and then frowns, “This timeline is all wrong.”

“Yeah, well no one asked you,” Sirius says, leaning back on the oak desk in the center of the room, “Is that why you’re here? To offer your help.”

Remus hesitates as Sirius turns his head to face him. When Remus looks up, his sad eyes are in full wilt.

“That’s what I thought.” Sirius says turning back to his blackboard scrawlings.

“Padfoot,” Remus says, raspy and barely controlled.

“Maybe you’ve been keeping so many secrets that you don’t know when to actually trust someone,” Sirius says, “Ever think about that, Remus? We all have to face consequences for our actions.”

Sirius waits for the argument, his body is already tense for it, because that’s what him and Remus do, fight, and then make up, and then fight again.

“You’re right.”

Sirius turns to look at him, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“You’re right,” Remus repeats, “This is my fault, I got everyone into this mess, and I need to face the consequences, whatever they might be.”

Sirius stares at him in disbelief. Remus looks utterly defeated.

“So you’re going to tell James Potter that you were his future wife’s first kiss,” Sirius says.

Remus rolls his eyes, “I highly doubt those two will ever get married.”

“Yeah, that’s good you should say that to James, he’ll love that,” Sirius says, wagging his finger at Remus.

Remus groans, “I didn’t even think he was that dedicated to her at the time.”

“Oh please, he’s been beyond dedicated since second year,” Sirius says.

“I know,” Remus says moving to sit next to Sirius on the desk, “It’s really bad.”

“On the bright side Peter isn’t mad at you,” Sirius says, “yet.”

Remus looks up brow furrowed, his under eyes dark and heavy like used bags of tea.

"Look Sirius, I’m really sorry, I just never really thought about it all that much, and it really wasn’t to hurt you.”

Sirius softens, “Remus.”

“I just don’t want both you and James to be mad at me at the same time, that would just be terrible,” Remus adds before leaning his head into Sirius’s arm.

“It’s alright, I overreacted. It really wasn’t any of my business, Just sometimes it feels like you two are in on something I’m not.” Sirius says with a sigh,

Remus sits up and stares at him, “Are you kidding? You and James live together, you two are practically inseparable.”

"Maybe that's why I was so upset, that it was him," Sirius shrugs, “Maybe, it’s just hard to be mad at you on this desk.”

Remus looks down to the thin claw marks on the side from Sirius’s nails that mar the oak desk.

“I still have no idea how this happened,” Remus says, touching the edge of an indent.

“Oh come on,” Sirius says, smirking, “You have a little bit of an idea.”

“Mmmm,” Remus says looking away, “Maybe I need a little bit of a reminder.”

Sirius places his hand on Remus’s neck leaning down to fix that, but then the door bursts open.

“Oh, Merlin,” says, a very distraught looking Lily Potter, who makes a move of turning back to the door she just closed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t- realize anyone came down here.”

She sniffles loudly, bringing a hand up to her face to brush away her watery eyes. Sirius and Remus look at each other before Sirius stands up and opens his arms. Lily doesn’t seem to think twice about walking into them.

Eventually they calm down Lily, as they sit on the dusty floor of the classroom.

“I just don’t know what’s gotten into him,” She says, “We used to be so close, he was my best friend, and now-”

She looks up as to stop the tears from coming, “Salazar, this is so embarrassing I’m so sorry about all of this. You guys and James and Peter probably never fight like this.”

Remus raises an eyebrow and Sirius tilts his head and grimaces.

“We fight all the time,” Remus offers lamely, rubbing Lily’s arm.

“It’s not like this though is it?” Lily asks.

“No, not at all,” Sirius says.

Remus hits him.

“It’s alright, I know you guys don’t like him, he’s really not a bad person though,” She insists, “Just lately I think, he’s just been around the wrong crowd.”

Remus and Sirius remain unconvinced.

She sighs, wiping her eyes again, “Again, I’m sorry to be telling you all my drama, I didn’t know anyone else knew about this room.”

“Yeah,” Remus says weakly.

“I just come here sometimes when I’m upset. It’s just a really nice space to think,” Lily says.

“Us as well,” Sirius says a little too quickly, “We just stumbled across it like, Wow, what a great place to, uh, think.”

Lily nods, then turns, leaving space for Remus to mouth “Really” at Sirius, who widens his eyes in response.

“You know I’ve taken care of Magical Creatures every year except fourth year but I still have no idea what kind of animal they used to keep in here that would have made these claw marks” Lily says, running her hands in the grooves on the desk.

“SO WHEN EXACTLY DID YOU TWO KISS?,” Sirius asks, way too loudly, jumping up to his feet.

Remus puts his head in his hand as Lily lowers her hand from the desk.

“I just want to add it to the board,” he says pointing, “Make the timeline as accurate as possible.”

Lily raises an eyebrow, “First of all, I don’t know why me and Remus would need to be a part of it, second of all that timeline, if you can even call it that, is completely inaccurate.”

“What’s wrong with it!” Sirius exclaims.

“Well first of all Frank and Alice did not get together first year,” Lily offers.

“When then! Merlin I feel like they’ve been together for a millenia.”

Lily shoots Remus a questioning look, he pointedly avoids, she turns back to Sirius.

“What’s this all about?” she asks him.

“We’re all making a list of every person we’ve ever kissed,” Sirius offers.

Lily looks utterly perplexed, “Okay?”

She stares at them, waiting for more explanation. Remus coughs.

“Why are you doing this exactly?” she asks directly.

“Bonding?” Remus offers, really not wanting to get into it.

Lily nods once, eyebrows still raised, but she seems to accept that as an answer.

“Well, lets see em then,” She says, “Pull them out, boys.”

“Excuse me, What?” Sirius says.

She rolls her eyes, “The Lists, Black, let’s look at the lists.”

Lily looks from Remus to Sirius expectantly. Sirius turns to Remus, who sighs and pulls a perfectly folded piece of parchment from his pocket. Sirius and Lily both lean forward as he starts to unfold it.

“Can I have a little space, you guys are like vultures he says,” He finishes opening it, then opens his mouth like he might read them, then ultimately decides to rest it on the oak desk.

Sirius and Lily lean over examining the seven names in Remus’s scrawling handwriting.

**Aria Wright**

**Lily Evans**

**James Potter**

**Sirius Black**

**Jeanine Hartford**

**Conor Wright**

**Layla Singh**

“I can barely read this,” Lily says turning to Remus, who just scowls.

Sirius who has had a crash course in Remus’s handwriting, know exactly what it says. He reads the list once, twice. It’s not all new information, but seeing it laid out like this.

“This feels like a lot of people,” Lily comments.

“It does,” says Sirius, finally making eye contact with Remus.

“Well, How many did you expect?”

There’s a pause then Lily says “Two”  the same time Sirius says “Three at the most”.

Remus opens his mouth, then closes it. Lily re-examines the list.

“Wait, Remus, Have you kissed both Aria and Conor Wright?” she asks.

Remus tinges red.

“Merlin, you totally did!” Sirius says, “I didn’t even make the connection."

“It was years apart,” Remus says quickly, “I don’t even see why it matters.

“What? Where you just waiting for her to graduate so you could hook up with her younger brother?” Lily says.

“It wasn’t like that at all!” Remus argues.

“Wait what year were you in when you kissed Aria?” Sirius says, turning back to the list.

“Merlin. It had to be before fourth, because that’s when ours was. She was like in sixth!” Lily says, before scrunching up her nose, “That is… distasteful.”

“Okay this is enough of this,” Remus says, picking up his list, and refolding it, “Sirius, I believe it’s your turn.”

Sirius frown but pulls a ball of paper from his pocket, longer than Remus’s with several names crossed out and arrows added in with new names. He smooths it against the desk but doesn’t immediately set it down.

“What number am I on this one?” Lily asks leaning over to get a look at the parchment.

Sirius makes an indistinguishable noise like  a cross between a cough and a hiccup. Remus pats him on the back twice, hard. Lily glances up at Sirius concerned.

“Do you not remember?” She questions, “I suppose you were a little tousled.”

Sirius stares at her in utter horror, she leans forward, laughing.

“Do you really not remember? It was at the big post detention party fourth year,” she says, “I can’t believe you’ve forgotten.

Sirius smirks, “Nice one, Evans, you almost had me there, but I only kissed one person that night.”

Lily turns to a conflicted looking Remus.

“I tried.” She says with a shrug.

“Did you really not kiss anyone else that night?” Remus says kind of bemused.

Sirius puts a hand on his chest in a show of how distasteful he finds the comment, “Moony, That kiss haunted me for the next full year! You can’t just move on from a kiss like that.”

Remus looks away quickly, too quickly, and Sirius felt his jaw drop in horror.

“You didn’t!” He says, before looking at a very red Lily and demanding, “Who?”

Sirius grabs his paper still in his hand, “Jeanine Hartford! You kissed Jeanine Hartford after me? And in fourth year, when she STILL HAD BRACES!”

Remus sighs, “I did not kiss Jeanine Hartford when she still had braces, there was always food in them, and I was not running the risk.”

“Then who!” Sirius says, eyes bugging.

“Well I didn’t put repeats, I mean it’s not like I can recall every time we’ve kissed,” Remus says.

Sirius swirls to face Lily, “You?”

He opens his mouth in offense, turning to Remus, “Her? Merlin, That’s somehow worse!”

“Okay but like, why am I worse than Jeanine?” Lily says a little offended.

“Look, Sirius, I was confused after our kiss, and I ran into Lily who was-”

“Mad at James,” Sirius finishes, “About the squid.”

“Yes, about the squid,” Lily says, “In my opinion it was all very unnecessary.”

“And we decided to see if we actually had any, I dunno chemistry,” Remus says.

Lily purses her lips, “Well our first kiss, was thanks to the enchanted mistletoe someone put up in the common room.”

“Wait really?” Sirius says.

“I told you that,” Remus says.

“I thought you were joking!” Sirius argues.

“It was just a peck, the briefest most chaste kiss,” Lily says, “and it was lovely.”

Remus nods in agreement.

“But,” Lily says, her face scrunching up, “I did not at all care for our second attempt, I’m sorry Remus, you know this already, but it was bad, like really bad.

“Okay, Evans he gets it,” Remus says.

Lily scrunches up her nose. Sirius looks at her and then at Remus, who is concentrating very carefully on one particular spot on the floor and then starts laughing.

“It was bad because Moony likes tongue!” he guesses without waiting for confirmation, “Merlin! That’s hilarious. That was it wasn’t it?”

“It’s not my thing,” Lily says her face heating up.

Remus looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here. Sirius takes pity on him

“Why did you use that same party to trick me?” he asks Lily.

“Well it’s the only party I’ve been drunk at,” Lily says tilting her head.

“Are you implying you would only kiss me when under the influence?” Sirius asks.

“Black,” Lily starts, “I think we’ve already covered the fact that I wouldn’t kiss you at all.”

“Ooooh,” Sirius says shaking his head, “Ice cold. I can see why James likes you, he loves conflict, it’s because his parents love him too much.”

“Better than not enough,” Lily says a little annoyed.

“That’s why I'm a lone wolf,” Sirius says, waving his hand out in front of Lily as if to say _Picture this_ “no parents, no rules, just me jerking off.”

Remus could not have rolled his eyes harder. Lily for her part just laughs.

“Let’s see that list, Black,” Remus says, voice full of _I dare you._

Sirius sighs, and raises the piece of parchment, going to set it down and then hesitating again.

“First let me sa-” Sirius starts.

Lily grabs the list from his hand and starts reading the names out loud, jumping up to sit on the oak desk. Sirius is horrified on both accounts.

“Felicia Hadden, Really Felicia?" she tuts but continues, "Abigail Berg, Vivian Baker, Lianne Riedel, Wait weren’t they roommates?” Lily asks.

Sirius makes an _I dunno_ noise, she continues reading.

“Remus Lupin, Christine Song, Selena Legget, Marianna Park, Julie Jeffersons, Kathleen Carrol, Robin Owens, Kira Aoki, Odette David, Gwen Leroux, Reyna Hawkins, Marlene Mckinnon” she finishes the list, putting it down, “Amazing, you only misspelled three of those.”

“That was actually not as many as I expected,” Remus says, “And none were really all that shocking, except maybe Gwen.”

“Seventeen is not a bad number,” Sirius says, “And Gwen was a weird one.”

“Sixteen,” Remus corrects. 

_Shit._

“I thought Gwen was number nine,” Lily says, “She’s a chaser right?”

“No that’s- his list only has Sixteen” Remus says.

Lily look down, counting the names before turning to Remus, “You’re right.”

They turn to Sirius.

“Well I didn’t think you were going to include Lily so I figure if you’re allowed to leave one off for James’s sake I can too,” Sirius says.

“And which would that be?” Remus asks.

Sirius shakes his head, “I’m warning you, this is not something I ever planned on sharing.”

“On with it!” Lily says, kicking her legs excitedly.

“Sirius, not everything is as dramatic as you think it is,” Remus says, rolling his eyes.

“Fine but you asked for it,” Sirius says, hesitating looking at the two eager faces.

“When I first moved in with James this summer, I hadn’t yet realized how the household worked day to day, say what time people are usually up, what time to go to bed, which night is meatloaf, whose chair is who’s.”

Remus looked a little wary but Lily just nodded. Sirius took a breath.

“One day within the first week, there was that storm, you remember, horrible winds, anyway I hadn't brought a coat so I borrowed James Dads, and I had been outside so I was huddling in front of the fire trying to get warm. The jacket and chair, and the hunch, honestly she didn’t have her glasses on either. She was kind of talking and I realized she thought I was James dad, but when I looked up to say something she just, kinda, popped one on me and then headed off for the kitchen.

“Oh my god,” Lily says clapping her hand over her mouth.

“Why would you tell us this,” Remus says, eyes wide.

“Because I couldn’t live with this horrible secret weighing me down? I don’t know,” Sirius says, “it’s not that big a deal.”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Lily says, clutching her stomach.

“Okay, I don’t know why you think I’m the overdramatic one,” Sirius says, facing Remus, while motioning to Lily, “Euphemia is not that bad.”

“Please, do not say her name like that,” Lily says.

Remus looks up brow so deeply furrowed, “Sirius, she’s in her 60’s.”

“I’m going to say it. I have done worse,” Sirius announces.

Lily groans. Just then a knock is hammered onto the door. The three of them all stare at each other.

“Hello?” Remus says after a while, hesitant.

“If you two aren’t too busy it is a quarter past five,” Peter squeaks from behind the door.

“Salazar! It’s that late already! I must be going,” Lily says getting up.

“LILY IS IN THERE WITH YOU?” Peter yells through the door.

“Merlin, Peter, just come in,” Sirius says rubbing his temple.

“I certainly will not!” Peter says, “I know what happens in that room.”

Lily looks at Remus and Sirius a concerned frown on her face, “What does he mean by what happens in this room?”

Remus stands up very quickly, “Did you hear the time? We really must all be going.”

He pulls Sirius to his feet and pushes all of them towards the door. Which he opens to a wide eyed pacing Peter.

“Did they trick you into sitting on the desk too?” He asks Lily.

“Desk?” Lily says.

“We really should be going,” Remus says, “Always a pleasure, Evans.”

Remus manages to pull Sirius and Peter halfway down the hall before Lily shrieks, “THE CLAW MARKS.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Just one more!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first multi chapter fic comes to an end. I know it wasn't long but I'm still proud of my follow through!

It was an awkward sort of planned pow wow, everyone sitting on the floor in the center of the room. Remus was looking exceptionally nervous eyes darting wildly as he rolled up the corner of his pristinely folded list. James spoke first.

“Well lovely to see you all here lads,” he says, “glad we could all make it.”

“We live here, Prongs,” Peter says confused.

Sirius snorted receiving a mild look and a shrug from James. Remus didn’t say anything.

“Just a little joke,” James says before clearing his throat, “Should I start?”

“Well this was your brilliant idea,” Sirius replies, smirking.

James mouth flattens into a line and his eyes narrow in a way that directly parallels the look his mum gives when Sirius tracks dirt into her house. James looks down at his list and reads out loud.

“Amelia Flenick, Maria Chamber, Jocelyn Harber, Ellie Lin, Remus Lupin.”

It’s quiet for a moment as everyone processes his list. Remus has his brow furrowed and Peters head is tilted quizzically to the side.

“Wait mate you kissed Amelia Flenick in what? Fourth year? That’s not possible! How is she first?” Sirius questions.

James turns red, “I never said they had to be in order!” He stammers.

Remus raises an eyebrow.

“So you’re telling me I wasted my whole day making an incredibly accurate timeline of our school days for no reason?” Sirius says, visibly annoyed.

“I didn’t even see it and I know there is no way that thing had more than four dates right,” James says, “Do you even know what month it is now?”

“November!” Sirius says automatically.

“It’s February?” Replies Remus, looking a shade past concerned.

“Is that right? Why don’t I remember Christmas?” Sirius says tapping his hand to his chin, before shaking his head and continuing, “Regardless, Half the fun is the order, so you can point out things like how Moony kissed braces era Jeanine Hartford.”

“I did not,” Remus argues.

“No fair! You’ve already heard each other lists! That’s cheating,” Peter whines turning to James.

“I don’t think they’re are any rules to this,” James says, “it’s a bonding activity, you take it as you will.”

“Well I’m just trying to bond over your first kiss! It’s not like we don’t already know it was Ellie Lin,” Sirius says.

There’s a lull in the room.

“About that,” James starts.

“Oh my god it was Remus,” Sirius says, in utter disbelief.

Peter coughs dryly. 

“How! What!” Sirius questions, before shaking his head.

“I thought you’d already realized this, Black,” says Remus.

“Well I hadn’t,” Sirius replies, leaning back, chuckling, “From Remus to Ellie Lin. Incredible. Such range. She’s really a terrible kisser. Extremely chaste, it’s like trying to tongue your gran.”

Peter groans at Sirius’s choice in metaphor, James manages to look more amused than scared.

“She wasn’t on your list,” Remus interrupts suspiciously.

“She wasn’t?” Sirius feigns innocence.

Remus squints at him but drops it.

“I just kind of wanted to get the whole first kiss thing over with,” says James.

“And you went to Remus! And not me!” Sirius says, distraught.

“You were the one making fun of him!” Remus says, eyes cutting, “Or do you not even remember?”

Sirius pouts, “I wish you would stop just referencing things and tell me! Of course I don’t remember.”

Remus sighs, “After the Squid incident-”

“Great,” James interjects.

Remus shoots him a withering motherly glance before continuing, “The GREAT Squid Incident, and we were in the common room,”

“You’d just hooked up with Vivianne Baker and you thought you were the shit,” Peter adds.

“Okay well Viviane Baker had C cups in our third year, so it was quite special when I got to touch them, thank you very much,” Sirius says.

Remus looks extremely unimpressed, “Anyway, you would not stop running your mouth about it and someone asked James if he had seen Marianna Park-”

“Who was all over him at the time,” Peter says.

“She really wasn’t!” James argues.

Remus continues loudly, “AND you revealed in front of everyone that James hadn’t kissed anyone yet, which even I hadn’t realized.”

Sirius is quiet for a moment, “That doesn’t sound like me.”

“I believe your exact words were ‘He’s saving his virtue for either death or Lily Evans, whoever calls him first’,” Peter says.

“Then you made a joke about if they bury virgins in white,” Remus adds.

“Okay yeah that does sound like me,” Sirius says, but his head is ducked down.

“It really wasn’t that a big a deal,” James says quite awkwardly.

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a shitty thing to do,” Sirius says before looking up, “So what, Moony, you just kiss anyone who’s never been kissed before?”

“It wasn’t like that!” Remus snaps.

“Jeez Moony, I haven’t been actually mad about this for like 3 hours, no need to be snappy,” Sirius says, kicking Remus’s thigh with his toe.

“Remus, came and found me in the hall,” James says, blushing slightly, “and I told him, I was in fact waiting for Lily.”

“And I told you that was stupid,” Remus says.

“Then I said I just wanted to get it over with,” James says, turning from Sirius to look at Remus, “And he just planted one on me!”

“You did look very sad, Potter,” Remus defends, “I felt like you needed it.”

James looks up at him through his lashes and Sirius makes a clicking noise with his tongue before saying.

“Moony, You’ve seen me cry like a dozen times and you’ve never kissed me!” Sirius says.

“Ugh, I have personally seen you guys kiss,” Peter interjects, “Also, not something I’d ever intended on viewing.”

“I meant back in fourth year!” Sirius says.

Remus rolls his eyes, “Contrary to apparent belief I’m not actually into water works.”

“Really? Then what are you doing with that Drama queen?” Peter says.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Sirius demands.

“Black, you’ve cried at every single quidditch game we’ve ever been to, including when Gryffindor isn’t even playing,” James adds.

Sirius sucks at his bottom lip, “Whatever, I don’t even want to be in the Remus Lupin first kiss club.”

“How is it a club there’s only one person,” Peter says, biting his nails, “Or do you mean other people have had their first kiss with Remus?”

“Who else had their first kiss with Remus?” James asks, sincerely.

Sirius mouth goes dry and he darts a look at Remus, who’s own mouth is clenched in a tight thin line.

“About that,” he begins, “James, I don’t want you to freak out, it was a long time ago, before us even, so you know it was a long time, and it didn’t work out on either end, she made it abundently clear she does not care for me.”

“Or your tongue,” Sirius adds, cutting into Remus’s rambling.

“Sirius, stop, this isn’t actually as funny as you _apparently_ think it is,” Remus mutters.

James looks up at Remus and turns his head to the side and leans in, frowning.

“You don’t mean…” James trails off and breaks into a grin.

Remus and Sirius exchange glances as James’s smile grows a touch deranged. Peter see’s the damage he has done for the second time today and takes a moment to pull out his own piece of parchment.

“Should I read mine now? I think I should read mine now,” he takes a deep breath, “Jennifer Bittle, Jennifer Grisham, and Jenny Lee.“

“First of all, bad timing mate, second of all we are going to have to discuss the fact those are all Hufflepuffs named Jennifer at some point,” Sirius says, not taking his eyes at the stare down between James and Remus. Who both show no indication to having heard anything out of Peter’s mouth.

James starts shaking his head, face still stretched into a wide smile, “No bloody way! Lily Evans?” he says finally.

Remus opens his mouth but nothing comes out as James lunges for him. It happens too fast for Sirius to register and when he moves to pull them apart he realizes it’s- a hug?

“Brilliant!” James declares pulling back from Remus, and holding his shoulders squarely out in front of him, “You have first hand experience you have to tell me all about it.”

“You’re not mad?” Remus says, breathless.

James looks considerate, “Well, I’m a little mad you didn’t tell me sooner but I can see why you didn’t.”

James reaches up to cup Remus’s face running his thumb over his lower lip, in an oddly intimate gesture.

“You kissed her Fourth year?” James asks.

Remus nods dazed.

“Anyone inbetween the two of us,” James says, deadly serious.

“No,” Remus manages to reply, rather out of breath.

James nods, and he’s dangerously close to Remus’s face still stroking his bottom lip, Remus has gone rather red with James on top of him clutching his face.

“Uh, what is happening right now?” Peter says, a look of pain on his face.

“Yeah, Potter, you look like you’re about to eat Moony,” Sirius says, more mild amusement than genuine concern.

James leans back, taking his hand off of Remus’s chin, “Oh sorry, it’s just, it’s almost like we kissed, like through Lupin.”

Remus blinks up at James in disbelief, while Peter starts rolling on the ground in a mad cackle.

“That’s not how that works at all,” Sirius says.

James is unperturbed, sitting up in Remus’s lap, “God, this is brilliant! You can show me what she likes.”

“Watch it Potter,” Sirius growls.

James looks up rolling his eyes, “Oh, please, there’s nothing to worry about, I’m not gay or anything.”

“Actually I think kissing me would qualify as gay, Potter,” Remus says, amused.

“I’d say more heteroflexible,” James replies after a moment’s thought.  
  
“Merlin, Potter just say Bi,” Sirius responds.

James ignores him, slinking off of Remus and standing up, then offering his arm to the other boy.

“We must discuss this in length! Dinner, boys?” James says, pulling Remus in the direction of the door.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Remus replies.

Peter pushes himself off the ground to follow them.

“What do you mean you’re going to the Great Hall. I haven’t read my list yet!” Sirius says.

James and Remus make no move of sitting back down.

“Well, I kinda feel like we accomplished the whole point, mate” James says.

“I feel better,” Remus adds.

“Bonding,” Peter mutters in the background, doing jazz hands.

 Sirius stares at them, “Are you kidding? I made a whole timeline! There’s so much more to unpack.”

 James shrugs, “I dunno man, It just feels like it’s time for food.”

 “Time for-” Sirius sputters, “What about Peter’s Jennifer thing huh?”

 James opens the door for Remus, who shoots Sirius _a better luck next time champ_ smile, before exiting the room. Peter moves through after him sticking his tongue out at Sirius.

 “I’m sure it’s perfectly fine,” James says, “It’s a common name.”

 Sirius puts on a rather spectacular pout. James just laughs, still holding the door.

 “You coming or not?” he says to Sirius.

Sirius stands, “Yeah, yeah I am.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story and my attempt to capture the spirit of Sirius Black.


End file.
